my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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