apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
and she was petting her beer can
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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