yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
