i may or may not be watching the land before time
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
