SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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