At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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