Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
