I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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