omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
