I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
