Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
