I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize