i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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