yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
