The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
