I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
why do cheetos always look like penises
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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