i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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