you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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