Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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