i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
