there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize