proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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