isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i will never coherently bang her
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
