Where did you get a picture of my penis
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
