I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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