Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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