OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
