her facebook's as public as her vagina
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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