god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
