he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
