and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
is this the sara with the beer cane?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
