That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
babies were throwing up all over the place
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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