I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
where does the pee come out of this thing
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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