Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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