took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
