Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
