I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
