But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
