if you like me you must not know who I am
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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