every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
