im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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