I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
