I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
