It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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