Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize