You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
