Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
