dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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