fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
