wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
