my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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