Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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