I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
