I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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