handjob tips. give me some.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
