nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
