im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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