I'm going to jail i love you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
