Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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