I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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