I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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