Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
