Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
