I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize