his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
