Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
