we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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