this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
