Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
