Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
