my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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