i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
